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My husband is messaging old flame who he recently learned had his only son

War NewsMy husband is messaging old flame who he recently learned had his only son

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DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband has been messaging an old flame who, he recently learned, had his only son.

It’s complex and tragic because this son was born 30 years ago after they had a brief fling, but he died last year in a motorbike accident before my husband had the chance to meet him.

My husband and his son never got a chance to meet, and now I am dealing with the betrayal

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My husband and his son never got a chance to meet, and now I am dealing with the betrayal

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No issue is too small, too large or too embarrassing. Read our personal replies here.

My husband and I got together soon after that fling and he only learned about his son’s existence recently when his ex got in touch.

He’s 52 and I’m 49. We have two grown-up daughters of our own.

He was crushed to learn he would never get to know his child and has spent time talking to his ex — trying to find out as much as possible about him.

He now wants to see all of his son’s childhood photos and know what he was like as a baby, through to a man.

I have supported him through all this, as best I can.

But recently I have discovered that he’s had secret chats — and inappropriate ones at that — with his ex and calls her “babe” and “sugar”.

They have also exchanged topless and naked images.

Considering all my support, I feel utterly betrayed.

After confronting him, he told me he loves me and won’t talk to any other woman again.

I really love him, and I thought we had a strong relationship, but he has tipped my world upside down.

I want us to stay together and he feels the same. How do I get past this hurt and move on?

I realise he didn’t actually cheat, so why am I struggling so much?

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Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

DEIDRE SAYS: Of course you are now upset. He didn’t have a physical affair but sexting is still a form of cheating. He was getting his sexual kicks.

Often when someone is bereaved they can go off the rails as they try to escape their grief.

This is certainly no excuse but his situation is further complicated by the fact he wasn’t able to meet his son before he died.

Your husband no doubt initially met his ex to offer comfort and friendship, and she no doubt lent on him.

But he also needs to recognise how he betrayed you.

I’m sending you my support pack entitled Bereavement, which will show him where to find support.

My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help you, too.

It’s important to stay connected to each other as you both work through this betrayal and bereavement.

The Compassionate Friends is an organisation of and for bereaved parents (tcf.org.uk, 0345 123 2304).

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